A Bittersweet Visit

Yesterday we went for our second sonogram. Sadly, "Baby B" didn't make it. We could still see the baby, but it didn't have a heartbeat. The stenographer said it probably stopped growing about a week ago. Right now the sac is still pretty big, but she said it will start shrinking and then my body will reabsorb it. It was a bittersweet visit because we got to see "Baby A", and it looked great. The heartbeat was strong, and we could see it moving its little arms and legs. At the last visit, it looked like a blur, but this time we could make out a head and a body as well as the arms and legs. I've been released to go to my regular OB, and I plan to call tomorrow and make an appointment.

Blessings

Tomorrow we go back for our second sonogram to check on the babies. I'll try to send out an update tomorrow night.

Last week I came down with a sinus infection and an ear infection. I felt pretty rotten. I took a Z-pack and it wiped out the sinus infection but didn't get rid of the ear infection. I went back to the doctor yesterday and he gave me a new antibiotic. I'm already feeling better; I think this one will do the trick.

I've had some morning sickness the past few weeks, and it seemed to get pretty bad last week. I actually lost 4 pounds while I was sick. I think all the drainage was making it worse. Overall, it's not nearly as bad as it was with Kennedy. With her, I felt nauseous all day every day. So far with this pregnancy, it's not nearly as bad. Most days it comes and goes, and some days I don't have it at all . Saturday I felt good all day long and was able to eat lots of yummy food at the Yates' Christmas party. Today was another good day. I never even had to drink my Ginger Ale, and when I got home from school, I suggested we go out to dinner. My tummy felt good, and I wanted to eat something really yummy and enjoy it! I had really prayed that I wouldn't be as sick with this pregnancy as I was with Kennedy, and so far, God has blessed me. I am so thankful for the good days like today.

First Sonogram

We had our first sonogram Monday. There are two sacs, two babies, and two little heartbeats! It was so much fun watching Paul and Lisa seeing their babies for the first time. The stenographer labeled them Baby A and Baby B.

Please keep Baby B in your prayers. He/she measured 3 days smaller than Baby A. (To me, Baby B's sac looks bigger, but the actual baby is the white fuzzy part inside the sac--see it?) We go back for another Sonogram December 12th to check on Baby B. I have a really good feeling that Baby B is going to make it. Although he/she measured smaller than Baby A, his/her heartbeat was just as strong as Baby A's.

My friends at school don't like "Baby A" and "Baby B", so they have decided to call the babies Jem and Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird. They all think they are a boy and a girl. Ms. Browning wants me to ask Paul and Lisa if they will name the babies Harper and Atticus after the author and main character.

Yesterday I turned 7 weeks, and my stomach "popped." Everyone at school was amazed. Tuesday when I was there I didn't look pregnant, and Thursday I did.

It's Official!!!

We're Pregnant! I've had two blood beta tests, and they've both come back positive. The blood beta test measures the level of HCG in your body. It starts at zero and should climb once you are pregnant, doubling every 48 hours. By the time you are 14 days pregnant, the level should be between 50-100 for a Singleton. Our first blood beta was taken 9 days after a 5 day transfer (9dp5dt). My number was 326! Our 2nd Beta was 11dp5dt, and the level was 664. So the thought is that Paul and Lisa may be twice blessed!



This is a picture of me with the wonderful nurse at Dr. C's office who has been helping me through this process.

Kennedy Quips

Tonight Kennedy and I were driving to Brandon and Jacque's house, and I guess Kennedy thought I was driving too fast because she said:

"Mommy, you are driving fast. You better slow down because if you drive too fast the Police will get you."

"Oh, do you think I'm driving too fast? I'm going the speed limit."

"Mommy, if the the Police get you and take you to jail, I will love you forever, and I will miss you."

It's nice to know I have my daughter's unconditional love.

Progesterone Shots

Brandon gives the BEST shots ever. I've had four other people besides Brandon give me my Progesterone shots, and they all hurt. I don't even feel the shots when Brandon gives them--he's my new hero. Except, he's determined I'm going to learn to give them myself. He's been working with me, and Sunday night I'm supposed to give it to myself. I know I gave the Lupron to myself without a problem, but these shots are different. The needle is huge! It looks like the thing I use at Thanksgiving to inject my Turkey with seasoned oil.

The progesterone comes in Seseme oil, so it's really thick. I'm wondering how many calories I'm injecting into my rear every night. Not only does the shot hurt, but it makes me really sore after. I'm learning to use my trusty heating pad every night to help with the soreness.

The babies

Tuesday morning Dr. C placed these two blastocysts into my uterus. How cool is that? I mean, who gets to see their babies five days after conception? Paul and Lisa, that's who.

The transfer went well. It wasn't painful at all, and I got to sit around and relax for the next two days which I never get to do. I watched Pride and Prejudice--my mom and dad gave it to me for my birthday, and I saved it for my bed rest.

Now we begin the wait. On Thursday, November 8th, we have our first blood test to find out if I'm pregnant--I feel sure I am. So right now I'm pregnant until proven otherwise.

Friday Update

I had my lining check sonogram today, and everything is right on track. The lining of my uterus is 13.3 mm thick, and I was told that was good. We want the lining to be nice and thick so the little embryos will stick. I am to continue my Lupron shots, and on Sunday, I'll increase the estrogen to three times a day.


Monday Paul and Lisa came to visit. I've been meaning to post a picture of the three of us all week, but I haven't had a chance. We had a great visit--we are all getting excited. It's just a little over a week until the transfer.

More Estrogen

After three days of having a severe headache, the estrogen has finally kicked in, and I'm feeling so much better. The first few days I took the estrogen, I took one 2 mg pill. Now, I'm taking it twice a day. Next Friday, I'll go in for a lining check, and then I'll increase the estrogen to three times a day. I kind-of dread that one because I'll have to take the middle pill between 2:00-3:00 every day, and I think that will be hard for me to remember. It's not so hard to remember to take it in the morning and at night. I'm just so glad I'm feeling better.

Hot Flashes!

I have a new found respect for women going through menopause.

I think I've officially run out of estrogen, and I've decided I kinda like having estrogen in my body.

I've been having hot flashes since Monday, and both yesterday and today I've gotten a terrible headache. I'm not worried, though, because tonight I get to start taking estrogen pills.

The Lupron I'm taking shuts down my ovaries and makes them stop producing estrogen. I read that your pituitary gland actually stores extra estrogen, so if your estrogen level gets low, your pituitary says, "Oh, here--I saved some up--you can have some of mine." (OK, I made that dialogue part up, but you get the message.) But I think around Sunday I used up all the stores of estrogen.

I think the doctor actually wanted me to run out so he could give me exactly the amount he wants me to have.

So, in just a minute, I'll give myself the Lupron shot and then take my beautiful, little estrogen pill.

Oh, sweet estrogen, how I love thee.

Remind Me Why I Became an English Teacher

It's 3:00 am, and I just now finished grading the timed writings I gave for my six weeks test.

No, it wasn't my idea. Do you think I'm crazy?

The district's new mandated Pre-AP English curriculum stated that I give a timed writing for my six weeks test, which simply means that I had to grade 96 hand-written essays over the weekend. I've been working on them since Friday in-between trying to be a mom, and I'm finally finished.

Maybe I should send an e-mail personally thanking the lady who wrote wrote the curriculum who no longer teaches, but sits in a little cubicle then leaves at 5:00 every day.

I know I should be in bed, and at about 10:30 pm, I was so tired I thought I couldn't go on, but I plowed ahead, and now I'm wide awake. So I thought I'd take a minute to write, and see if I could wind myself down for the two-and-a-half--who am I kidding, I'm going to skip the shower tomorrow and throw my hair in a ponytail--three hours of sleep I'm going to get.

Does anyone know how much they pay those ladies at Dillard's who sell purses? That seems like a good job.

After I published this, I looked at the time stamp and it says 12:55 am. I don't know why that is. Trust me; I'm looking at my computer screen and it's 3:14 am.

Kennedy Quips

Kennedy: "Why did the banana go to the doctor when he wasn't feeling well?"

Me: "Hmmm...I don't know; why?"

Kennedy: "I have NO CWUE."

Me: Fit of laughter

Kennedy: "I still don't get it."

Back on Track

The shot in my thigh Wednesday night went smoothly, and last night I ventured back over to my tummy, and it didn't hurt a bit. I guess I just got a hold of a dull needle Tuesday--I still have the bruise on my stomach.

The nurse thought perhaps I was responding a little too well to the Lupron, so she had me cut the dose back from 10cc to 5cc. Although it's only been two days on the new dosage, I'm feeling better--no more of that funny drunken feeling when I turn my head too fast. Next Tuesday I go in for a sonogram to check my lining, and Wednesday I start Estrogen. The Lupron shuts down my own hormone production so the doctor can control exactly how much Estrogen I get. That's all for now!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary, and today is my birthday. David had two-dozen roses delivered to me yesterday at school. Aren't they beautiful? I just love having fresh flowers on my table; it feels so luxurious and makes me smile every time I look at them.

This morning my parents called to wish me a happy birthday, then the doorbell rang, and it was the postman with a package. It was a beautiful charm bracelet from Paul and Lisa. Then, my friend Gayla took me to lunch, and we had that wonderful hot chocolate cake from Chili's with the ice cream on top. Yummy! This afternoon both of my sisters and my cousin called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful, caring people in my life.








I love getting packages in the mail. That's why I was so excited when I received this one the other day.










This doesn't look so bad.








But upon further inspection, this is what I found...





This is the harmless looking needle that left the little bruise and red spot on my tummy last night. I'm feeling a little gun-shy tonight. I think I'll try my thigh again. I'll let you know how it goes.

Bad Experience

The shot experience wasn't so good tonight. I tried to give it on the left side of my stomach, and had trouble getting the needle to go in--I had to really push. Once I barely punctured my skin it REALLY hurt, so I pulled it back out and was bleeding. I decided to try the other side of my stomach. That REALLY hurt too, and it left a bruise. By that time, I'd poked myself twice, and still not administered the medicine. I decided to trash that needle and start all over. The third time was better, but still stung a bit--I think probably because by this point I already had two puncture wounds in my stomach, and I was tense. But, it's over now, and I don't have to think about it again until tomorrow.

I think the Lupron is making me feel a little loopy. It's hard to know, because I tend to be a little forgetful and random anyway, but I several times today I've felt as if I were in a fog. It's really strange--it only lasts for a second, but it's this weird feeling in my head like I'm floating or I'm not really in my body. I tend blame a lot of things on hormones, but I'm thinking that the total absence of hormones isn't good either. I've already warned my husband that the next few weeks could be strange, and to not take anything I say too personally. So far I haven't been mean or weepy, so hopefully it won't be too bad.

Shootin' up

I just did something I NEVER thought I'd do.

I gave myself an injection...

IN THE STOMACH!

My friend, Brandon--who is a doctor, talked me into it. He insisted that it wouldn't hurt as bad as my thigh, so I tried it, and he was right. I didn't feel it at all!

I'm shocked because just a few weeks ago the very idea of sticking a needle into my stomach would have been enough to send me over the edge.

It's almost scary the way I'm shootin' up like a pro!

Quick Update

I haven't had a chance to post in a while, but we're finally on our way! I've given myself four Lupron injections, and I just took my last birth-control pill. It looks like we'll be transferring two little embryos on October 29th, 30th, or 31st.

The Case of the Eaten Sandwich

Last night I fixed a Parmesan Chicken Ring for dinner-- my take-off on Pampered Chef's Taco Ring; it was pretty good, really. I chopped up left-over chicken from the night before, mixed it with a jar of pizza sauce and grated parmesan cheese, and used it for filling in the crescent roll ring.

Kennedy and I ate dinner while David and Conner were at soccer practice. (I know we should have waited, but practice comes right in the middle of dinner and throws the whole night off.)

When they got home, Conner was incredibly hot and sweaty. I told him to get in the shower and I’d fix him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (He didn’t like what we had for dinner.)

I fixed his sandwich, left it on the counter, and sat down at the computer to answer e-mails.

A few minutes later he came into the kitchen and asked for his sandwich. When I told him where it was he started yelling.

This is what he found on the counter:

After some covert detective work I discovered this:

I know it's blurry--she was fast!

Poor Conner.

"Kennedy, what happened to Conner's sandwich?"

"I ATE IT!"

How Do I Love You?

Conner-

How do I love you? Let me count the ways.






I love to see you give your all on the soccer field.

I love to watch you interact with strangers. You have a gift for starting up conversations with people and putting them at ease.

I love your love of words and puns.

I love to hear you laugh out loud when you read a book.

I loved watching your awe-filled eyes when you saw the Declaration of Independence in Washington, D.C.

I love your self-confidence--how you courageously face life.



I love to hear you read to Kennedy, repeating the same words I once read to you.





I love the way you sing Bon Jovi songs with me in the car.

I love the way you love to make paper airplanes and race them around the room.

I love watching you sing karaoke--your raspy, rock star voice makes me smile.





I even love that you want to be in the army, just like your Uncle John. (Although, it would break my heart if you joined.)







I love watching you create army vehicles and fighter planes with your Legos.

I loved watching you and Kennedy watch the fireworks on the Fourth of July. It warmed my heart to see Kennedy sitting in your lap, the back of her head resting on your chest, your arms encircling her.





Kennedy-


How do I love you? Let me count the ways.




I love to hear you repeat phrases you've heard me use--"I don't have a clue" and "Well, I don't know what to tell you."

I love the way you combine the words crocodile and alligator into cacagator.

I love the way you say "wet" with a Texas accent making it sound like "waaay-it."




I love to go into your room at night and find you asleep with a book still open in your arms.





I love the way you play with my hair when we snuggle in my bed.

I love to hear you read your books from memory--your three year-old interpretations make me laugh.

I love to hear you count..."one, two, tree, four, five, six, eleben, twelve, elebenteen...." I know I should teach you the "correct" way, but your way makes me smile.

I even love your stubbornness. Although it is difficult to deal with now when you are three, that stubbornness will serve you well as an adult when you know what is right and don't back from a fight.

I love to watch you twirl around the room in your frilly, pink, dress-up clothes.











I love your crazy hair in the morning.

I love the way you yell, "Mommy's home!" when I walk in the door.

I love to hear you yell "slug bug!" from the back seat. I love that you and Conner have both joined in our family game that started when your Daddy and I were dating.



Conner and Kennedy-




I love being your Mommy.

God's Timing is Perfect...

When I started my blog I knew I wanted to share my surrogacy journey. When I decided to become a surrogate it occurred to me that this was a journey of faith because I truly felt God calling me to do this.

A few weeks ago I felt good about the timing of this pregnancy because I realized that if I had been due in April it might have caused problems with the TAKS test. But a few weeks ago I still believed it would be possible to get pregnant and deliver in May or early June.

Last week I was forced to face the reality that October will be the earliest I'll be able to get pregnant which will put me due in the middle of summer. I don't want to have a baby in the middle of summer. That means I won't be able to take my kids swimming for five or six weeks, and that's our favorite thing to do in the summer. I also think it will be harder to rest and recover with them home with me.

My perfect plan was for me to have the baby sometime during the last six weeks of school--spend three weeks recovering at home while my kids were at school/the sitter's, and then be back on my feet in time for summer or maybe just a few weeks after school let out.

I haven't wanted to write this week because frankly I've been a little bummed, and I really wanted everyone who reads my blog (all three of you) to see what a wonderful experience this is for me and how everything works out perfectly when you trust God.

Only, last night I realized that that's not really my faith journey. I need to record the real journey--all of it--so that I'll be able to look back on it and see all that God has done in my life. If the Israelites had only recorded the times they were feeling good about what was happening in their lives, Exodus wouldn't be much of a book.

So, here's my new mantra:

God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...

It rolls right off my tongue. It's easy to believe in theory when I'm not waiting on something over which I have no control or when the timing is working out the way I had planned.

Before I got pregnant with Conner I prayed God would let me get pregnant in July so I'd have four months at home with my newborn. Not only did I get pregnant in July, he was due six weeks to the day before school let out for the summer. It was easy to believe God's timing was perfect then.

I prayed the same prayer about Kennedy, (except that time I added "and could you please let me have a daughter?") and she was born four weeks before the end of school allowing me spend the summer at home enjoying my new baby girl. It was really easy to believe that God's timing is perfect then as well.

It's almost like in the past I've placed orders, and God has come through giving me exactly what I prayed for. So I'm going to be honest when I say that I'm struggling a little bit right now to believe that God's timing is perfect because my perfect time line has come and gone.

This morning I came across this verse I had written in my journal:
"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;.... Do not fret--it only causes harm." Psalm 37:7-8

When I find myself fretting I'll choose to say:

God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...God's timing is perfect...

The Best Laid Plans...

I'm a planner.

I'm also a teacher.

I teach high school English. We have this "little" test in Texas called the TAKS test. It's a BIG DEAL. If kids don't pass it their junior year, they don't graduate high school.

There is a lot of pressure on teachers to make sure their students do well on the test. So I actually excluded certain dates in my surrogacy contract that I wouldn't be willing to get pregnant so that I would be there for my students through February when the writing test is given (that's the one I'm responsible for.)

I feel I have an obligation to my students to prepare them and I also didn't want to be 9 months pregnant right around the test because honestly, I don't feel I'll be doing my best teaching then.

My Intended Parents (IPs--the couple I'm having the baby for) were very understanding about this.

Today I noticed on the district website that there is a revised school calendar for next year. That's because TEA changed the dates of the TAKS test! I haven't' yet figured out when mine will be given, but I can see that there are testing dates in March, April, and even into May.

I have found that nothing about this surrogacy has been easy to plan. It seems like there has been set back after set back. At times I've felt frustrated and discouraged that it's taking so long, yet I've tried to remain upbeat and positive for Lisa and Paul (the Intended Parents) because I can't even begin to imagine their frustration.

When I decided to become a surrogate, I knew it was a faith journey for me. (I'll work on telling that story later.)

Through this experience, I want to increase my faith, and I want to use my story as a witness for Christ--that has been my prayer, and I've thought of that as I've tried to gage my response to these setbacks. I have also been praying for patience and that God would work this out; today it became clear that God has been "working it out" this whole time and I just didn't know it. He knew that I would feel so guilty if I wasn't there to prepare my students for their test, and He used these "setbacks" to time this pregnancy for the best.

Small Miracles

Early Thursday morning I woke up feeling like my bladder would burst and glanced at the clock. It was 5:00 am, and I suddenly realized Kennedy had slept through the night. It's probably been close to a year since she has done this.

Every night I put her to sleep in her bed, and every night she wakes up between 12:00 and 2:00, and cries until I get up and get her and bring her to our bed where she immediately falls back to sleep and sleeps the rest of the night. I've tried calling her to come get in our bed, but she just sits up in her bed and cries until I come get her.

My first thought was one of excitement, then I quickly began to wonder if children can still have SIDS at age 3. I got up and checked on her, and she was fine. I'll be the first to admit, this whole sleeping thing--or lack thereof-- is entirely my fault....

When Conner was young, he began sleeping through the night between 8-10 weeks. I read this book about parenting, and it suggested you let your children cry a bit to settle themselves down. I followed the directions in the book, and it worked. So when people would tell me their child wouldn't sleep through the night, I'd smugly think, "You must be doing something wrong. It's not rocket science." Of course I never said this out loud, but I thought it. I'd usually recommend the book or give unsolicited advice about just letting the child cry for a bit.

There are six years age difference between my two children, so I had six glorious years to bask in my parenting greatness.

Then God sent me Kennedy.

Yes, I've tried letting her cry many times, but after an hour and a half, it just starts to feel like child abuse. Of course, there was the time I got fed up, and I was so tired in the middle of the night that I decided I didn't care how long she cried. That night she climbed out of her crib and hit the floor, which isn't carpeted by the way. Then I was afraid to let her go back to sleep for fear she might have a head injury. So now when she wakes each night I get up and bring her back to our bed.

In the past three years I've probably only slept through the night about 10 times (and most of those were because I was away from her). But I figure that eventually, she'll learn to sleep through the night...or else she'll go off to college and even if she's still not sleeping through the night, at least maybe I'll be able to.

Don't Know Much

Well, I decided to jump in. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I just finished leading a three-week writing institute where I encouraged others to write, so here goes. Maybe this will force me into the writing habit. We'll see.

I love the name of my blog; my cousin, Jeana, suggested it. The other day I sat on her couch and said, "I would start a blog, but I have no idea what I'd name it." Of course I didn't expect her to come up with one off the top of her head! Since she suggested this name, I don't have any excuses. I may have to change it to "Steppin' on Legos and Barbie Shoes" at some point, but right now Kennedy isn't quite big enough for Barbies. However, I'm constantly stepping on Conner's Legos.