I'm a planner.
I'm also a teacher.
I teach high school English. We have this "little" test in Texas called the TAKS test. It's a BIG DEAL. If kids don't pass it their junior year, they don't graduate high school.
There is a lot of pressure on teachers to make sure their students do well on the test. So I actually excluded certain dates in my surrogacy contract that I wouldn't be willing to get pregnant so that I would be there for my students through February when the writing test is given (that's the one I'm responsible for.)
I feel I have an obligation to my students to prepare them and I also didn't want to be 9 months pregnant right around the test because honestly, I don't feel I'll be doing my best teaching then.
My Intended Parents (IPs--the couple I'm having the baby for) were very understanding about this.
Today I noticed on the district website that there is a revised school calendar for next year. That's because TEA changed the dates of the TAKS test! I haven't' yet figured out when mine will be given, but I can see that there are testing dates in March, April, and even into May.
I have found that nothing about this surrogacy has been easy to plan. It seems like there has been set back after set back. At times I've felt frustrated and discouraged that it's taking so long, yet I've tried to remain upbeat and positive for Lisa and Paul (the Intended Parents) because I can't even begin to imagine their frustration.
When I decided to become a surrogate, I knew it was a faith journey for me. (I'll work on telling that story later.)
Through this experience, I want to increase my faith, and I want to use my story as a witness for Christ--that has been my prayer, and I've thought of that as I've tried to gage my response to these setbacks. I have also been praying for patience and that God would work this out; today it became clear that God has been "working it out" this whole time and I just didn't know it. He knew that I would feel so guilty if I wasn't there to prepare my students for their test, and He used these "setbacks" to time this pregnancy for the best.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Small Miracles
Early Thursday morning I woke up feeling like my bladder would burst and glanced at the clock. It was 5:00 am, and I suddenly realized Kennedy had slept through the night. It's probably been close to a year since she has done this.
Every night I put her to sleep in her bed, and every night she wakes up between 12:00 and 2:00, and cries until I get up and get her and bring her to our bed where she immediately falls back to sleep and sleeps the rest of the night. I've tried calling her to come get in our bed, but she just sits up in her bed and cries until I come get her.
My first thought was one of excitement, then I quickly began to wonder if children can still have SIDS at age 3. I got up and checked on her, and she was fine. I'll be the first to admit, this whole sleeping thing--or lack thereof-- is entirely my fault....
When Conner was young, he began sleeping through the night between 8-10 weeks. I read this book about parenting, and it suggested you let your children cry a bit to settle themselves down. I followed the directions in the book, and it worked. So when people would tell me their child wouldn't sleep through the night, I'd smugly think, "You must be doing something wrong. It's not rocket science." Of course I never said this out loud, but I thought it. I'd usually recommend the book or give unsolicited advice about just letting the child cry for a bit.
There are six years age difference between my two children, so I had six glorious years to bask in my parenting greatness.
Then God sent me Kennedy.
Yes, I've tried letting her cry many times, but after an hour and a half, it just starts to feel like child abuse. Of course, there was the time I got fed up, and I was so tired in the middle of the night that I decided I didn't care how long she cried. That night she climbed out of her crib and hit the floor, which isn't carpeted by the way. Then I was afraid to let her go back to sleep for fear she might have a head injury. So now when she wakes each night I get up and bring her back to our bed.
In the past three years I've probably only slept through the night about 10 times (and most of those were because I was away from her). But I figure that eventually, she'll learn to sleep through the night...or else she'll go off to college and even if she's still not sleeping through the night, at least maybe I'll be able to.
Every night I put her to sleep in her bed, and every night she wakes up between 12:00 and 2:00, and cries until I get up and get her and bring her to our bed where she immediately falls back to sleep and sleeps the rest of the night. I've tried calling her to come get in our bed, but she just sits up in her bed and cries until I come get her.
My first thought was one of excitement, then I quickly began to wonder if children can still have SIDS at age 3. I got up and checked on her, and she was fine. I'll be the first to admit, this whole sleeping thing--or lack thereof-- is entirely my fault....
When Conner was young, he began sleeping through the night between 8-10 weeks. I read this book about parenting, and it suggested you let your children cry a bit to settle themselves down. I followed the directions in the book, and it worked. So when people would tell me their child wouldn't sleep through the night, I'd smugly think, "You must be doing something wrong. It's not rocket science." Of course I never said this out loud, but I thought it. I'd usually recommend the book or give unsolicited advice about just letting the child cry for a bit.
There are six years age difference between my two children, so I had six glorious years to bask in my parenting greatness.
Then God sent me Kennedy.
Yes, I've tried letting her cry many times, but after an hour and a half, it just starts to feel like child abuse. Of course, there was the time I got fed up, and I was so tired in the middle of the night that I decided I didn't care how long she cried. That night she climbed out of her crib and hit the floor, which isn't carpeted by the way. Then I was afraid to let her go back to sleep for fear she might have a head injury. So now when she wakes each night I get up and bring her back to our bed.
In the past three years I've probably only slept through the night about 10 times (and most of those were because I was away from her). But I figure that eventually, she'll learn to sleep through the night...or else she'll go off to college and even if she's still not sleeping through the night, at least maybe I'll be able to.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Don't Know Much
Well, I decided to jump in. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I just finished leading a three-week writing institute where I encouraged others to write, so here goes. Maybe this will force me into the writing habit. We'll see.
I love the name of my blog; my cousin, Jeana, suggested it. The other day I sat on her couch and said, "I would start a blog, but I have no idea what I'd name it." Of course I didn't expect her to come up with one off the top of her head! Since she suggested this name, I don't have any excuses. I may have to change it to "Steppin' on Legos and Barbie Shoes" at some point, but right now Kennedy isn't quite big enough for Barbies. However, I'm constantly stepping on Conner's Legos.
I love the name of my blog; my cousin, Jeana, suggested it. The other day I sat on her couch and said, "I would start a blog, but I have no idea what I'd name it." Of course I didn't expect her to come up with one off the top of her head! Since she suggested this name, I don't have any excuses. I may have to change it to "Steppin' on Legos and Barbie Shoes" at some point, but right now Kennedy isn't quite big enough for Barbies. However, I'm constantly stepping on Conner's Legos.
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